111 Best (aka Worst) Dad Jokes

With Father’s Day just around the corner, we thought it was the perfect time to celebrate – and denigrate – Dad’s particular sense of humor with this collection of 111 of the best dad jokes (or worst dad jokes, depending on your perspective).

You know what I’m talking about… those knee-slapping dad jokes that your father insists on telling. Or that you insist on telling (if you happen to be the Dad in this particular situation).

If you’ve heard them once, you’ve probably heard them a thousand times. And – even though you want to pretend that you hate them – there is something ultimately endearing about a well-timed Dad Joke.

But Not Everything Counts as True & Proper Dad Jokes

There are certain prerequisites before something gets properly classified as a Dad Joke.

  • First, the joke needs to be told by a Dad. Otherwise, it’s just a bad joke.
  • Secondly, it has to be amusing, but somewhat corny. Just like your dad.
  • Lastly, your Dad (or you as the Dad) has to find it absolutely hilarious, even if the audience does not agree.

After all, not everyone is a big fan of this particular brand of comedy gold. It may seem unreasonable to many, but some people simply don’t appreciate a well-timed, punny comment. But that’s what some of the best dad jokes are really all about!

111 Best Dad Jokes to help celebrate Father's Day.

Generally (but not always) inoffensive, the best dad jokes bring back a simpler time in your family’s life, when the younger members would laugh at practically anything the patriarch would say PLUS they offer the opportunity to embarrass the ever-living crap out of grown children when they should be too old to care.

So, in other words, they are the absolute best thing… EVER!

But don’t take my word for it. We’ve pulled together a MASSIVE collection of 111 of the Best / Worst Dad Jokes, and created memes out of them. Because sometimes we sit on the ground, wrap our arms around our knees, and then lean forward… that’s just how we roll!

And – like live & in-person Dad Jokes – they get better and better the more often you read them, tell them, share them, and read them again.

We’ve pulled together some of the very best dad jokes, aka the most groan-worthy of the bunch, and are giving you two options to enjoy them. Text and Meme. We’re kind and thoughtful that way!

Why Did We Create These As Memes, You Ask?

Ok, maybe you didn’t ask. But we’re going to answer anyway. Like dad jokes, memes can be a lot of fun, they can be easy to share by email, social media, or an your own blog (and we would be super happy if you did any or all of those things). For example, we shared a bunch on our Facebook Page, and they got a lot of laughs. Memes are far easier to read than basic text on a white screen.

Plus, it makes for this really cool, checkers-like layout, which is really fun!

Save and share your favorites with your Dad this Father’s Day. (Pssst… Dads…. this is also a great source for some much-needed new material. Just saying.)

ENJOY!

Best Dad Jokes, with Memes!

What is mitosis? The things at the end of my feetsis. #DadJokes #BestDadJokes

What is mitosis? The things at the end of my feetsis.

(A biology-related Dad Joke, in case you missed that)

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right. #DadJokes

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I’ve been trippin’ all day! #DadJokes

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been trippin’ all day!

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! #DadJokes

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know… #DadJokes

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" I told her it was a strange way to start a conversation. #DadJokes

My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” I told her it was a strange way to start a conversation.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. #DadJokes

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! #DadJokes

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

There are 3 unwritten rules of life...  #DadJokes

There are 3 unwritten rules of life…

1.

2.

3.

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness? #DadJokes

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

I don't trust atoms. They make up everything! #DadJokes

I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions. #DadJokes

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself? Because it was two tired. #DadJokes

Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? Because it was two tired.

What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care. #DadJokes

What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.

What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care. #DadJokes

What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 ate 9.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 ate 9.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a can opener that's broken? A can’t opener.

What do you call a can opener that’s broken? A can’t opener.

People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.

People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.

I always knock on the fridge before I open it. Just in case there’s a salad dressing.

I always knock on the fridge before I open it. Just in case there’s a salad dressing.

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.

Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like: “What the Hellman!” #DadJokes

Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like: “What the Hellman!”

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer. #DadJokes

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

What do you call a constipated detective? No shit, Sherlock. #DadJokes

What do you call a constipated detective? No shit, Sherlock.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: “Why can’t you just use a sponge like a normal Dad?!?” #DadJokes

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: “Why can’t you just use a sponge like a normal Dad?!?”

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing beside my bed. At first, I was afraid....... I was petrified.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing beside my bed. At first, I was afraid……. I was petrified.

My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game. #DadJokes

My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.

What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

What’s the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re extinct.

(A variation on theme)
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re extinct.

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I M LIVID

I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I M LIVID

Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.

Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na. #DadJokes

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

I never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take your money and run. #DadJokes

I never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take your money and run.

What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper? A fizz-ision. #DadJokes

What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper? A fizz-ision.

What are scientists favorite dog breed? Labs.

What are scientists favorite dog breed? Labs.

My wife: “Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?” Me: “That’s a novel idea.”

My wife: “Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?” Me: “That’s a novel idea.”

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis.

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis.

British people be like:  I'm bri ish.  I guess they drank the t.  #DadJokes

British people be like:
I’m bri ish.
I guess they drank the t.

I don't trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I just saw a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked: “What are you doing?” He said: “Working from home.”

I just saw a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked: “What are you doing?” He said: “Working from home.”

What does a house wear? Address.

What does a house wear? Address.

What do you call a belt made out of hundred-dollar bills? A waist of money.

What do you call a belt made out of hundred-dollar bills? A waist of money.

Did you hear that the police raided the psychic convention? Nobody saw it coming! #DadJokes

Did you hear that the police raided the psychic convention? Nobody saw it coming!

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist! #DadJokes

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!

What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.

What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t get it.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t get it.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. #DadJokes

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Most people think that the T-Rex can’t clap because its arms are too short. But really it’s because they’re all dead.

Most people think that the T-Rex can’t clap because its arms are too short. But really it’s because they’re all dead.

Sometimes I wrap my arms around my knees and then lean forward. Because that's how I roll!

Sometimes I wrap my arms around my knees and then lean forward. Because that’s how I roll!

It looks like we’ve come to the end of the list. But anyone who was counting would realize that we’re only about halfway through our list of the best dad jokes. Those have been pretty AMAZING so far, wouldn’t you agree? Maybe we left the worst dad jokes for the second page? There’s only one way to find out!

Need more of the Best Dad Jokes?? Keep going….

See More Dad Jokes

5 thoughts on “111 Best (aka Worst) Dad Jokes”

  1. Shelbee on the Edge

    So much fun! I was recently having a conversation about the nature of dad jokes and now I am completely up to speed on this type of humor! Thanks for sharing and linking up with me!

    Shelbee

  2. Life Diet Health

    If only my late father was still alive… there’s a few here he’d love! The Bri’ish one made me laugh (being from the UK)! Thanks for sharing at Fiesta Friday.

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