With Father’s Day just around the corner, we thought it was the perfect time to celebrate – and denigrate – Dad’s particular sense of humor with this collection of 111 of the best dad jokes (or worst dad jokes, depending on your perspective).
You know what I’m talking about… those knee-slapping dad jokes that your father insists on telling. Or that you insist on telling (if you happen to be the Dad in this particular situation).
If you’ve heard them once, you’ve probably heard them a thousand times. And – even though you want to pretend that you hate them – there is something ultimately endearing about a well-timed Dad Joke.
But Not Everything Counts as True & Proper Dad Jokes
There are certain prerequisites before something gets properly classified as a Dad Joke.
- First, the joke needs to be told by a Dad. Otherwise, it’s just a bad joke.
- Secondly, it has to be amusing, but somewhat corny. Just like your dad.
- Lastly, your Dad (or you as the Dad) has to find it absolutely hilarious, even if the audience does not agree.
After all, not everyone is a big fan of this particular brand of comedy gold. It may seem unreasonable to many, but some people simply don’t appreciate a well-timed, punny comment. But that’s what some of the best dad jokes are really all about!
Generally (but not always) inoffensive, the best dad jokes bring back a simpler time in your family’s life, when the younger members would laugh at practically anything the patriarch would say PLUS they offer the opportunity to embarrass the ever-living crap out of grown children when they should be too old to care.
So, in other words, they are the absolute best thing… EVER!
But don’t take my word for it. We’ve pulled together a MASSIVE collection of 111 of the Best / Worst Dad Jokes, and created memes out of them. Because sometimes we sit on the ground, wrap our arms around our knees, and then lean forward… that’s just how we roll!
And – like live & in-person Dad Jokes – they get better and better the more often you read them, tell them, share them, and read them again.
We’ve pulled together some of the very best dad jokes, aka the most groan-worthy of the bunch, and are giving you two options to enjoy them. Text and Meme. We’re kind and thoughtful that way!
Why Did We Create These As Memes, You Ask?
Ok, maybe you didn’t ask. But we’re going to answer anyway. Like dad jokes, memes can be a lot of fun, they can be easy to share by email, social media, or an your own blog (and we would be super happy if you did any or all of those things). For example, we shared a bunch on our Facebook Page, and they got a lot of laughs. Memes are far easier to read than basic text on a white screen.
Plus, it makes for this really cool, checkers-like layout, which is really fun! It’s like funny home decor, only on your computer screen.
Save and share your favorites with your Dad this Father’s Day. (Pssst… Dads…. this is also a great source for some much-needed new material. Just saying.)
Best Dad Jokes, with Memes!
What is mitosis? The things at the end of my feetsis.
(A biology-related Dad Joke, in case you missed that)
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been trippin’ all day!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” I told her it was a strange way to start a conversation.
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
There are 3 unwritten rules of life…
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? Because it was two tired.
What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.
What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a can opener that’s broken? A can’t opener.
People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.
I always knock on the fridge before I open it. Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like: “What the Hellman!”
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
What do you call a constipated detective? No shit, Sherlock.
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: “Why can’t you just use a sponge like a normal Dad?!?”
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing beside my bed. At first, I was afraid……. I was petrified.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.
What’s the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
(A variation on the theme)
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re extinct.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I M LIVID
Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
I never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take your money and run.
What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper? A fizz-ision.
What are scientists’ favorite dog breed? Labs.
My wife: “Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?” Me: “That’s a novel idea.”
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis.
British people be like:
I’m bri ish.
I guess they drank the t.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
I just saw a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked: “What are you doing?” He said: “Working from home.”
What does a house wear? Address.
What do you call a belt made out of hundred-dollar bills? A waist of money.
Did you hear that the police raided the psychic convention? Nobody saw it coming!
What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t get it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Most people think that the T-Rex can’t clap because its arms are too short. But really it’s because they’re all dead.
Sometimes I wrap my arms around my knees and then lean forward. Because that’s how I roll!
It looks like we’ve come to the end of the list. But anyone who was counting would realize that we’re only about halfway through our list of the best dad jokes. Those have been pretty AMAZING so far, wouldn’t you agree? Maybe we left the worst dad jokes for the second page? There’s only one way to find out!
And the hits just keep on coming!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the joke pool, we’re not done yet!
There are still plenty of Dad Jokes yet to be discovered.
What is the most ground-breaking invention of all time? The shovel.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
Police have arrested the World Tongue-Twister Champion. They said he’ll be given a tough sentence.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam documentary I have ever seen.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
My eye doctor just told me that I’m color blind. I know, it really came out of the purple.
I want to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. That makes me a faux pa.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
What is an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar.
Do you think glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Policeman: “Whose car is this, where are you taking it, and what do you do for a living?” Miner: “Mine.”
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory. Just one byte and everything crashed.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help. But I stand corrected.
I’m trying to learn the alphabet but I can’t get past the letter X. I don’t know why.
Do you know what’s remarkable? Whiteboards.
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. The odds were against me.
I made a graph of all my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
I tripped in France. Eiffel over.
My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop… I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.
People say I’m a plagiarist… Their words, not mine.
I switched the labels on my wife’s spice rack…. She hasn’t realized it yet, but I know the thyme is cumin.
I showed my empty coffee cup to the IT guy and told him that I just finished “Installing Java.” He hates me.
Dad: “Would you like anything to eat for dinner?” Son: “What are my choices?” Dad: “Yes” or “no”.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Steve.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles!
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. My daughter Chewbacca not so much.
People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins. But take a look at me now.
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody!
Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?” Me: “I Excel at it.” Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?” Me: “Word!”
I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why.
My mother always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” Lovely woman; terrible surgeon.
Me: I’m terrified of random letters. Therapist: You are? Me: (Screams) Therapist: I see. Me: (Screams intensify)
Did you know that 97% of the people in the world are stupid? Luckily, I’m part of the other 8%!
Her: What do you do? Him: I race cars. Her: Do you win many races? Him: No, the cars are much faster.
Judge: I order you to pay $10,000 Mario: Why? Judge: It’s a fine. Mario: No itsa not.
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me. I’m fine – I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
I asked the toy store clerk where the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures were. He replied: “Aisle B, back.”
What is the best time on a clock? 6:30. Hands down.
People write “Congrats” because they can’t spell Congrajilashins!
People these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.
What do you call
a crocodile that
is a detective? An investi-gator!
Did you know that
Hooters now offers
home delivery? They’re calling the service Knockers!
Where do you take
someone who has been
hide and seek? The I.C.U.
And there you have it. One of the most extensive collections of Dad Jokes available on this website!
Have your very own, absolute favorite Dad Joke??? Share it with us in the comments below!!!
We hope you enjoyed, laughed, groaned, shook your head with frustration at least twice, and shared the heck out of all of these amazing Dad Joke Memes in honor of the best Dad in your life, even if that is you!
Frequently Asked Questions About Dad Jokes
Because a) He loves you, and b) you drove him crazy with your antics as a child and this is his revenge and c) you used to laugh at them and he misses those days.
Technically, yes. Otherwise, you’re a faux pa.
A dad. Likely to his son. But that’s just a guess. How could anyone possibly know the answer to that question?
I’m going to go with…. “Dad, I’m hungry!” with the Dad Joke response of “Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad!”
Of course not. That’s a ridiculous question! There are, however, Guncle Jokes… which are like Dad Jokes, but far more fabulous!
First off, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times… don’t exaggerate. Secondly, feel free to send him a link to this page.
You can’t. Deal with it. It’s the least that you owe him after all the crap you put him through (or are going to put him through) as a teenager.
6 thoughts on “111 Best Dad Jokes (aka The Worst Dad Jokes)”
WOW, what an amazing collection of Dad Jokes I knew a few of them (from my Dad) but a bunch of them were new to me! So funny, and so very much Dad-like!
Just in time for Father’s Day! Pinned.
So much fun! I was recently having a conversation about the nature of dad jokes and now I am completely up to speed on this type of humor! Thanks for sharing and linking up with me!
If only my late father was still alive… there’s a few here he’d love! The Bri’ish one made me laugh (being from the UK)! Thanks for sharing at Fiesta Friday.
LOL, I had such a giggle. Some were so bad they are actually very good.
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